Why Me?

Why me? Thats a question I ask my self here and there, but I never find an answer. Obviously, your opinion (and mine) on this will be based upon your religious views and what not, but from an atheist’s prospective, why me? Well, the logical answer would be that I had a bad birth (and I use ‘bad’ very lightly) and, yes, you would be right. But I mean it in a philosophical sense. What did I do wrong? Was I the cause of Judgment day in a past life? Who knows. But I’m happy the way I am, because for 13 years (and counting) I have been carrying these two disabilities on my back and I’ve gotten use to it after a while. It isn’t pleasant, it’ll never be pleasant, but I can cope with it.

Everyday, I get a constant reminder that I have Cerebral Palsy and Dystonia. For example, 5 minutes ago I poured myself some orange juice, a regular thing to do, and then my hand started to shake as I had been holding the bottle of juice for too long and I spilt some on the kitchen counter. Then slowly and carefully, I walked back to the table I’m sitting at now with precision so that I didn’t suddenly shake and spill the juice or worse, smash the cup. Simple things like that. I have the cup of orange juice next to me now and I’m struggling to lift it up to my face to drink from it. But, I wouldn’t change it for the world. My Mother always says ‘If I could I would switch places with you in a heartbeat’, which is extremely kind and selfless but, I wouldn’t want that. 1. For her sake, and 2. I’m used to it.

Last Monday, I was taken to A&E because I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I was having a spasm in my Diaphragm, I was told to take this drug 3 times a day. Then my condition worsened and my parents called the RVI (Newcastle’s Hospital) and they said up the dosage. Yesterday I couldn’t take anymore and was yet again, taken to A&E. And their only answer was ‘MORE DRUGS!’. The drugs aren’t working, YET! I haven’t lost hope, yet. But I just feel tired, in pain and worried,

9 thoughts on “Why Me?

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  1. Hang in there, James. You can get through this.
    You’re smart and compassionate, and that’s a whole lot more than a whole lot of people can say about themselves. The error in thinking many people make is in believing there’s a standard we can use to compare ourselves to – the problem is variety in our species is so immense, the idea of a “standard” is actually silly. What we should be taught to do is accept this variety which includes good, difficult and bad. Variable A you experience may be tough, but B, C, D and E may mean you’re in the top advantaged one percent of all sorts of things on this planet 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so proud of you. I see every day the struggles you go through but this past week has been just awful I don’t know how you’ve coped son. I adore you ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Carry on trying and be proud that you give all you have and keep talking/writing your story you may find someone else going through the same problems who may be able to give advice. Sleep and laughter really are the best medicine. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

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